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A Bite Of Wit, A Taste Of Wisdom

May, 2001

Row after row of graduates, dressed alike but not complaining about the dress code, assemble for the last time. Each waits in joyful -- almost giddy -- anticipation for the commencement ceremony to get under way.

If there is one thing you can count on in Commencement Addresses, it is sincerity. Speakers are usually invited because they're receiving an honorary doctorate, or is an alumnus who fared well and eager to say, "This is how I did it."

At Yale University last week, President George W. Bush delivered the address with good-natured humor. When he said that he had graduated from Yale University, a heckling graduate said: "Barely." Having given the thumbs up to C students saying they, too, could be President, he continued with light banter and of being a Yalie in the White House. Yale doesn't have Commencement addresses, per se, unless it's a speech by someone who was just honored with a degree, and who's cautioned against being political.

Not so at Notre Dame, where President Bush started out saying his brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, is a Catholic, and after vigorously addressing his desire for religious groups to receive federal funds, and including all the whys and why nots of the plan, he concluded with "America has a long tradition of accommodating and encouraging religious institutions when they pursue public goals." He was preaching to the choir, you might say. What these graduates needed was to hear President Bush say "Cheer, Cheer, for old Notre Dame."

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., delivered the Commencement Address at Rice University in 1998. After his opening line wishing the graduates well, he said: "This is a long-delayed puberty ceremony. You are at last officially full-grown men and women -- what you were biologically by the age fifteen or so. I am sorry as I can be that it took so long and cost so much for you to at last receive licenses as grownups." He told the students they were Adam and Eve and "... this is Eden, and you're about to be kicked out. Why, because you ate the knowledge apple. It's in your tummies now."

Vonnegut bypassed all the rich and famous with their quotable quotes, preferring instead to reach for a quote from his wise uncle Alex. Harvard graduate, insurance salesman, Alex Vonnegut said one thing he found objectionable about human beings was that they seldom took time to notice when they were happy. "We could be having a lemonade in the shade of an apple tree and he would interrupt the conversation to say, 'If this isn't nice, what is?'" Kurt said goodbye to the graduates asking them pause during those times when things go sweetly, peacefully, and do just that for the rest of their lives, acknowledge the moment.

In the mid nineties, Billy Joel was asked to deliver the Commencement Address at The Berklee College of Music, acknowledging it was the finest contemporary music school there is. And, in turn, he got high praise for his accomplishments. He responded with: "I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary."

This week, comedian Bob Newhart left Loyola University graduates laughing when he said you don't have to be intelligent but it's important that you come across as intelligent. "This can usually be accomplished by a reference to Kafka, even if you have never read any of his -- or her -- works."

Harry S. Truman addressed, not a graduation class but all of us in January, 1949. He said, "More than half the people of the world are living in conditions approaching misery. Their food is inadequate. They are victims of disease. Their economic life is primitive and stagnant. Their poverty is a handicap and a threat both to them and to more prosperous areas.

"For the first time in history, humanity possesses the knowledge and the skill to relieve the suffering of these people." (That sound you hear is not the rousing round of applause the statement received in 1949, but Harry turning over in his grave because here we are again -- knowledge and skill fresher than ever, graduates more equipped than ever before -- and just how will the world look 52 years from today?)

Former Governor of New York, Mario Cuomo, addressed the graduates at the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan. He talked of the day ahead when their personal achievements are reached, they have a second car, surf in the Bahamas, ski at Aspen, visited every place they want to go and no doubt feel the satisfaction of having led a successful life.

Cuomo said no one would challenge the right to feel that way. But, then comes the question: "Is this where the dream ends? For me? For America, the country that gave me all I have? Is there more I can do ... and if so, should I?"

At Vassar College, author Stephen King told of having learned what "you can't take it with you" means. It came to him when he was alone and lying in a ditch at the side of a country road, mud covered, bleeding profusely, the tibia in his right leg poked out the side of his jeans like the branch of a tree taken down in a storm. "I had a MasterCard in my wallet, but when you're lying in the ditch with broken glass in your hair, no one accepts MasterCard."

Former First Lady, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton addressed the graduating class at Yale on Class Day, a day traditionally set aside for goofy hats. Her comments about the hats were a veiled reference to her White House Days. She said, "hats do a number on your hair, and the most important thing I have to say to you today is that hair matters." Her slogan for the day was "Dare to Compete," words she borrowed from high school athletes encouraging women in sports.

"Dare to care, dare to compete, dare to dream, dare to love, and no matter what happens, no matter how hard you hear the dogs barking at your heels, keep going."

She made one more reference to the hats in the audience, from helmets, wizard hats, propeller beanies and Dr. Seuss' famous hat worn by The Cat in the Hat, but the words were lost in the buzzing sound of students whispering to each other: "Dogs? Barking dogs? What kind of dogs? Pit Bulls or Chihuahuas? Nobody told us what to do about dogs."