August 2009

According to Dr. Abraham Maslow's 1943 article, we've learned the basic needs of us all are air, water, food, shelter and clothing. What Maslow was doing was formulating a needs-based effort to motivate using what he learned through clinical experiences with real people.

Before Maslow, theories of motivation were made through studies of animal behavior. Freud and B.F.Skinner were the leading psychologists of that school. When Skinner died in 1990 he was lauded as greatest psychologist since Freud. And yet, it's Maslow's theories which continue to be used by management in our present-day work force to motivate employees.

The bottom line with Maslow is that people are not motivated when needs go unsatisfied and it's important that factors not so obvious be satisfied first before higher ones can be addressed. According to Maslow, the needs addressing the physiological side of the person, his survival, safety, love and esteem must be addressed before that person can grow toward reaching his full potential.

That's enough psychobabble. I'm interested in the need for cell phones, Blackberries, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and all the avenues toward instant messaging through cyberspace on your own time schedule.

In the last two weeks alone, there have been articles in the New York Times about cell phone comportment. One article was referring to dining and cell phone use; the other was about manners. Is the proliferation of cell phone use taking its toll on society? Well, in many cases I'd say so. It is so pervasive that moms and dads use them all the time while kids drag behind in supermarkets and Wal-mart looking almost glassy-eyed in boredom. If they act up or pull on Mom's skirt just to get her attention, she'll say: "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

When the child is strapped into the car for the drive home, he might try again to get her attention. The answer will be the same. It's more rare to see someone without a phone than with one. Families are seen in a restaurant and the Mom is on her cell phone, Dad has the Blackberry, Junior has a small electronic game and the toddler has a pacifier and a spoon to bang. Is this dining out?

There is an actual need to feel connected and important. The cell phone is not merely a handy implement to own in case of emergency. That was our original reason for buying one and setting up a satisfactory service to suit our needs. But, now, those "needs" appear to be "wants."

"I want you to call me, I want you keep your phone on, I may need you." You can't escape and neither can they, whomever they are and wherever they go.

Growing up, it was not common, yet occasionally we would notice that the man walking down the street would be talking to himself, often smiling, sometimes laughing. Our parents would say he was "not quite right in the head. He was shell shocked during the war." But today, when I first noticed a Bluetooth device on the side of a man's head, his hands at his side, laughing, then talking to no one in particular, I thought once again of shell shock. Although It's now diagnoseod as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the symptoms are the same as those I remembered from childhood. I was perplexed, but I left the Post Office through one door as the man with the strange behavior entered another.

In no time at all, those blue devices were not strange to see. Then the sales of iPods - supplying music to suit the taste of the purchasers - grew in numbers with sizes and colors to meet the needs of the growing public hungry for music to take with them. Not only did the iPod supply music but gave the cell phone users something to talk about during their endless conversations: "I downloaded all my music onto my iPod. It took me all day but I'm so happy." Or, with google results I found questions: "How do I download my music to my iPod?" and the answer was: "just google, 'Download music to my iPod.'"

Everything appears so simple yet all the things tossed away to satisfy this need to fit in and connect are priceless elements in climbing the steps toward reaching a person's full potential. When maturity sneaks in, those missed family moments will be savored and become priceless memories.

In the article in the New York Times, "When Dad Banned Text Messaging," readers end comments lean toward family life and how it's being diminished. In this article one father banned texting for 45 minutes over the dinner hour. His wife, writer Debbe Geiger, was sympathetic to her daughter and wrote: "For many kids, it's a major part of their social world, and not having it makes them feel like a social outcast."

The commenting readers say there's no difference between land lines and cell phones. "As long as it doesn't interfere with her grades," or, "Gimme a break, your husband is right." The underlying emotion here is that of a parent losing that time when previously, they had been the number one person in the child's life. What happened that the youngsters prefer friends to the family all around the dinner table?

Every generation has a passage from 'tween to teen to young adult and the passage is not without pitfalls as the parents try to pull them closer while the youngsters pull away.

As a child of seven or eight I wanted a toy typewriter that could make "real" letters. My grandchildren that same age have their own computers. My children were rarely interested in dinner with the whole family but usually the whole family sat on the couch and watched The Brady Bunch. Watching that, they learned family values, fairly good family values, and there they sat, side by side, together in their own home. Their underlying needs were met for air, water, food, shelter and clothing. Those needs having been met, they moved toward growth and self-actualization.

Did they watch too much television? Maybe. I couldn't judge since I never had television. Are my grandchildren and their peers using their cell phones too much? We can't judge that. We never had a need for instant messaging. For now, their needs are being met. Now we just watch for the next "want" to come along and decide if it's really a "need."